Jensen volunteered as a driver for the evening, drive to Jared was definitely not a good idea as the sorry state in which paid. The Prius would be their magical carriage. He chuckled and wondered if at midnight the two of them could have been transformed in mice. Sam definitely would have appreciated the reference. That loser.
"What are you laughing?"
"Oh, nothing." Telling the drinking buddy who was now imagining their lives by mice (including the difficulty of having to manage a queue) could frustrate attempts to relax with a beer. "I thought of Misha and his absurd proposal." He lied.
"I think it would be a great idea, in short, those poor creatures!" If he had not embarked on a career as an actor, Jared would have definitely had a future in the associations that fight for animal rights. Definitely.
"And then as manage multiple the fans? Come on, it would be really dangerous! "
" Hmmm "It was well known to levels that could reach the fans. Needless to provide an opportunity on a silver platter. They protected their innocence, yes. "You're right." He scratched his nose and sneezed.
"Man I really do not want your bacteria colonizing the car with you?"
"I'm fine, it's just a cold." Jensen promptly handed him an envelope of influenza drugs. Jared stared at him very skeptical.
"What? It 'better to act now with this kind of illness. Who knows what could happen. Last year three people died of meningitis. Three know? In 2010. Terrible things happen in this world. "Hypochondriac? No, why.
"Jensen. Calm down. Are you having a panic attack. Do you want the bag? "
" Fuck you. "If there was one thing he learned from Sam was sulking. He became a teacher.
"Would you." Jared laughed, not realizing weighed to what that word. Jared Yes, I would.
parked away from other cars, the latest maneuver was done after an evening of alcohol had cost him a mirror and a bumper. Better anticipate disasters. They got out of the car by closing the doors in unison. In the first series had served ten attempts before succeeding. Old days.
When he finally entered the room, Jensen realized that the idea of live music from Chris did not correspond to his. Karaoke. And what he could see the party had already begun. A group of boys was venturing into "The can not get no satisfaction. "What a disgraceful spectacle. Jared began to clap and sing in time. Not all bad came to harm.
They sat at a table in the corner, Jared sat next to a wall, Jensen touched the side of the corridor with their backs to the stage. After a few seconds a waitress was ready to take orders. She must not have more than twenty years.
"What I bring to you guys?" Jensen noted that all the girls in the room wore a pin with a red flower in her hair. Was not it more intuitive to put a label with the name T-shirt to distinguish the staff room?
"a beer." Jared smiled politely at the girl who blushed and looked away quickly, marking the order on a block very worn. He had very thin hands with long, tapering fingers. Maybe he played the piano.
"Even for me, thank you"
When he finally left alone, the cluster of makeshift singers had launched a stonatissimo It'sa hard life. Freddie Mercury was surely turning in his grave.
"If I can get drunk enough then you drag to sing Nightswimming. "
"Seriously. Have not you done with this terrible down for REM? Danneel you are still tired? "
" Ah-ha. Are you funny. Just because I have all their albums and the special editions cataloged in chronological order is not to say I'm obsessed. I like to be ordered. "
Jared raised his hands in surrender. Another waitress brought their beers. Jensen immediately drank a sip.
"E then is not a crime to love good music. "
" Nobody said that it is. You're doing something for your obsessive compulsive disorder? "Jensen kicked him and took his friend in the knee. The reaction was immediate: while Jared withdrew his leg struck the table and magically the entire contents of the jugs of beer poured on pants Jensen. Perfect. Jared's laughter filled the room and the boys immediately stopped singing.
"Revenge, revenge terrible!" Now they stood up and tears were starting to fall from his eyes from laughing so much.
"You're a terrible piece of shit, help me! I look like an alcoholic in the terminal stage, damn it! "Despite the situation as it was, Jensen could no longer restrain himself and began to laugh uproariously. After several minutes they managed to recompose and decided to move to the table by the fireplace in the center room. The alcohol is evaporated more quickly.
"I read that the creams do with beer." Jared really felt a perverse pleasure in seeing Jensen in embarrassment.
"Yes why alcoholism is increasing recently. Why do you spread cream housewives beer. But me a break! "
" And I also read that there are anti-wrinkle creams that are made with grapes. "
" Let me get a moment, and Gen teaching you these things or documents you will of your own free will? "Jared's expression changed immediately looked away and lowering the new beer. Button wrong, Jensen. He got an embarrassing silence. Years before, he had often enjoyed the moments that you were dead when they were creating together. He had never felt the need to interrupt them with a few phrases of fact, they were just the moments where neither of them felt the need to talk. They understood each other without words, the mere presence of the other was sufficient. Like so many other things in their relationship, even though this had changed.
"I said something wrong?" Jensen had always been a stubborn type. Would not let the topic die. Not this time.
"Nah. I have this evening are grumpier than normal. Be patient. "He ordered another round of beers.
"Jared grumpy indicates something is wrong. Shoot. "Jared's iPhone, on the table, vibrated.
'AND' Jan? "
" Shit, who are you my mother? Leave me alone! "Grabbed his jacket and cell phone and headed for the exit. Jensen finished his beer in one gulp. Perhaps he really aimed too high with expectations for the evening. Would not have come anywhere even at the most would be able to fight again. He decided to await the return of Jared and apologize to her home. Some things are just sunk, it would be done for a reason.
was only four songs later and a new group of amateur singers, that Jared went back into the room. However, remained seated at the bar for a drink that seemed to be much Tequila. The intention was obviously clear. Jensen lost count of the fourth. It took courage and went to a friend.
"I'm sorry first, I should not have. "Jared smiled just looking at the glass. "I said that the next round is ours." He pointed to the stage.
"E 'went to Daniel." His voice was barely a whisper but you could already see the pitch content. Jared was now leaning over the counter. They were therefore at the terminus?
"... Who?" Another round of Tequila. "Wo, wo, I think he can do what you've been drinking." He did not have time to get as far away glass, Jared the took it and drank everything in one fell swoop. She put her hands to her temples trying to massage the palms a nascent headache.
"Daniel. Her ex. He said he can no longer look at each other for what happened, who can not forget and every time he sees me remember what I did. As if it was my wish, fuck! And you know what is worse? And 'I believe that after all is my fault really. I married her, but, damn, I thought of you while I recited my wedding vows. I was thinking about what they could ever think of that moment in my if I said your name instead of her. I never really believed and what happened was my fault. "He tapped his fist on the table. Jensen was left speechless.
"And you're married now clearly, yet I'm regurgitating my problems, as if you could solve them again. As if I had not actually already know what you think about it. See? I always wait for someone to do something for me, so I expect that someone will decide it later subisco the consequences and I cry too! That shit have I become? "Now I was staring into his eyes. A bitter smile touched his lips. "Bring me at home. "And without waiting for an answer, paid and left, headed toward the car.
When Jensen finally process what has just dettogli by his friend, he sought the keys to the car and joined him. Jared was leaning with his back to the door. They were both silent for the whole ride home.
So he was not alone in not removing what had been among them. Jared had just said he had thought of him even during his marriage. Yet she had seen him that happy day. And what happened to the two of them, what January rebuked him so that he could not even more to look at him? He needed a pencil and paper to write a few notes. The matter was becoming increasingly busy.
parked the car and turned off the engine. Jared, without saying goodbye, got out and walked towards the door. No, shit. This time there would be over as he wanted. He got out quickly and shut the machine with automatic control.
"Jared!" Ran. Meanwhile, Jared had entered and was closing the door behind him. Five years in the role of Dean Winchester had also taught how to put your foot in the door and the jamb to the perfect moment. He put his palms against the mahogany output. "Let me." It was clearly not a request, rather than an order.
"Go home, I'm drunk, you're tired. Tomorrow we start early. "
Now or never, and with a quick thrust Jensen Ackles risked a trespassing complaint. But maybe Jared would not have complained.
"A cock. I now make a nice coffee and tell all. You can not tell me those things and expect me to go to bed! Not working well my dear! "Jared turned away and disappeared into the kitchen. Jensen snorted loudly. Joined him.
"Did you hear?"
"Yes, I heard you. Even the neighbors have heard you. "
" Well, I'm glad. What do you mean what have I done? Have you cheated? You killed your dog? You've had to work and you become a woman? "When you began to gesticulate wildly nervous. Maybe he had some Italian ancestors in its progeny. Jared gave him his back still stubbornly, was washing something.
"I did lose the baby." A punch in the middle of the sternum perhaps less would take away the breath.
"S-sorry?" Terrible scenes passed before his eyes. Jared could never beat his wife, especially not the mother of his son. And because she had never heard that in January she was pregnant? What the hell was going on? On what kind of ride had gone? Began to experience nausea. Jared finally turned around and leaned back against the refrigerator, slid down.
"E 'success in April. Shortly after the convention in Italy. I told her it was better if it was not for the weekend because I was tired and I could not give the necessary attention. She then told me he did not need to lie, that he knew I was looking for an excuse to be with you and do not have it between your feet. "Jensen sat in a chair at the table. Everything was much too digest. "He started screaming and I told her it was all a lie, he saw things that were not there and had to stay calm because of the child. But it was all useless. He screamed and cried until I promised that I would come down. The next morning he sent me a message telling me that he had spent the night in hospital and had an abortion. My betrayal has killed my son. "The cracked voice. "Tell me Jensen, what could you tell me to make me feel better?"
silence fell and only the tick of the clock on the wall accompanied those moments. He was firmly convinced that Jared had used, which had exploited their relationship as a testing ground for something else. Something that could have been more specific by Jan. And now this. He was ashamed of what he had thought the previous month. Jared was consumed by guilt and he was stupid enough to shut a child in silence. No, definitely not his mother would have been happy with her maturity. And now? He could not buttarglisi arms and beat them on the shoulder, a whisper "all is well, will settle everything." Shit, did not believe him, imagine if he could convince a man destroyed by guilt. He felt a surge of anger at the of Gen. Could be so selfish as to think that Jared had an intentionality in his attitude?
"Come on." Jensen stood up the chair and held out a hand to his friend who looked at him quizzically.
"Do you understand what I said?"
"Yes, Jared luckily have not deaf. Come. "It said what drew him to the bathroom. A nice shower would help. He opened the tap and quickly took off the sweatshirt.
"Jensen, but what the hell ...?" Do not let him finish, and straps for life, he took him with them under the tap.
"WHAT THE FUCK DO, LET ME!" Jared tried to free himself, but in response Jensen grew close.
"Shhhh." He put his face on the chest of his friend. Jared still not desist.
"Let Jensen, please. Do not ... "The voice was now broken by sobs.
"I'm here, do not leave you." And with those few words Jared collapsed. Pressed her former lover and left to go to a desperate cry. Too many words unspoken, too many misunderstandings, too many lies had fed his sense of guilt in recent months. He no longer had the strength to fight and so did the only thing that once knew him comfort: he abandoned himself in the arms of Jensen.
It was only much later, after he had accompanied Jared in bed after making sure he was asleep, which allowed a tear come down his cheek. He watched over his sleep until early morning, but he would leave shortly after sunrise.
Jared When he awoke he found a package on the table.
I got a phone call to do.
J-
He had never realized that he had held his breath for all these months. How can resist a person without oxygen? Minutes? He thought a candidate for the next championships apnea, you would definitely well placed.
knew that, after all, had never truly believed that their story would have worked. He loved her, of course. Otherwise I would not have married. Perhaps the question was different: he loved as he loved Jared? He felt like a coward to tell you everything by phone, but did not make sense to lie further. Had never told lies. Sure, except for a small, insignificant lie. The phone rang twice before she answered.
"Hey, hello love, how are you?"
"Danneel, hello ..." gulped.
"Wow what a voice, what happened?" Come on, come on. Ackles, be a man.
"... I have to tell you something Danneel." He would never have married her, now would hurt another person. It really Danneel did not deserve it.
"This is Jared, right?" Foresight?
"How ...?"
"I heard Jan, told me that Jared left. And I imagined that he would change anything. "His voice was quiet, calm. Maybe melancholy. Jensen was silent. "I'm not blind, you know. I always saw what was in your midst. Something unique, exclusive. You've never looked at me looked like Jared, I would hope it was just a strong friendship but unfounded, I always knew I was kidding myself. And for what it's worth, yes I'm hurt, deeply hurt, but do not blame you. Some things are just meant to be. We are not one of them. "
He had always known. He wondered what he had done to deserve such a woman.
"I do not know what to say."
"Say that we will remain friends." Friends? He had never been particularly good with friends but this time it was worth groped.
"I promise." He heard her laugh.
"Jennyboy not to promise things that maybe you can not keep, I just know that we feel from time to time. We'll send the papers for divorce as soon as I can. "Suddenly it all seemed more real, more real. Divorce. What would her parents think? Their marriage did not last even a year. No, that still would not allow frivolous external constraints condition the choices. He felt that this train would not be passed back and this time would not have lost. He sighed.
"You know what annoys me more than though? That at the end of your damned Fans were right! "They laughed together.
"We're certainly good at hiding things it seems."
"Apparently not. Do me a favor though, take a few good words for me, those who hate me enough already. Only the great Jensen Ackles, now finally divorced, could rehabilitate my public image. "
" I'll do that too, want to put it in terms of the divorce? Jensen Ackles I commit myself seriously ... "
" I I love you, idiot. "
" I want you too, Danneel, I really think that things had gone differently. "Yeah, but in another life. In a life where there was Jared. "And consider me in debt for life with you."
"Do not preccupare, sooner or later I will ask the favor back, maybe for a place in any show. Preparations. Now go. No, one last thing. Now I can delete the number of Gen? I never liked, and the phone call yesterday did not contribute to the review sollvare already low and avvevo her. He told me that he has betrayed because Jared did not know how to end the marriage. The more mature I thought. "
What a bitch. Jensen had never made any secret of hating it.
"I believe that the circumstances so permit. Thanks Danneel, everything. "
" Hello Jenny, soon, a kiss from me to the chimpanzee. "He sent him a kiss and hung up.
"E'Jensen"
few moments later he heard the phone vibrate a message from Danneel: "Call your mother as soon as possible. Mothers always know everything. He realized many years ago. Kiss. Q-"
possible that the world was aware of her feelings for Jared and the two of them were so stupid as to have played for years? He collapsed on the bed after turning on the radio, he laughed for programming.
The starts in your eyes,
If you believe you're in Certain death to die.
If you believe in love You're always alive.
You're always alive.
You're always alive.
Here I am.
Waitin' for one last chance,
'Cuz this time we got, nothing left to loose,
And everything is ruined.
But the end is where we begin.
You're lost in the clouds,
I climbed a ladder but I can't talk you down.
And all that matters is tomorrow, today.
Tomorrow, today.
Tomorrow, today.
Curious how certain songs always pop up in the most appropriate.
He fell asleep without even realizing it, the sleepless night had returned to collect his duty.
was now eight o'clock at night when she opened her eyes. He felt tired as if he had run a marathon, she felt pain in the muscles where it can not even think about having muscles. And also fall asleep on the couch in an unlikely position had not benefited in the neck. He made a mental note to return as soon as his daily training, recently had beaten too much slack. When he finally was able to resume contact with the outside world took a quick glance at the phone. A message.
I asked for the holidays, do not ask me why, but I have granted them. Do not look for me. J-
Right now he thought he put his life in order. Of course, he had bitten off more than you can chew. He was ready to start all over again, to forget what had happened and move on with Jared. He had never considered that he, maybe, might not want to. On the other hand, what had passed was not easy to forget and Jensen was not been friendly lately.
Despite the request of Jared also tried to call him. Result: The phone was off. He hoped that it did when first heard.
chose to be distracted by going to the grocery store, now the weekend had arrived and the refrigerator languished. What better distraction? It was the supermarket.
while browsing around the refrigerated remembered the words of Danneel about his mother. He had to call it, was to him. It was also the last step needed to leave everything behind, to leave. If Jared had decided not to be with him, never mind. Would survive. Or when they least wished.
chose dinner with painstaking care. Sea bream baked and steamed zucchini.
Once at home he put the cost (tried not to give too much importance to the fact that he had bought the packet of biscuits favorite Jared) and prepared for cooking sea bream. Once carried out the tasks around the house lay in bed and dialed home. It was time.
"Hello?" How the hell did still have a voice so loud his mother?
"but."
"Jensen! Love! What a joy to hear, how are you? All right? It 'a life that you do not feel, the way you think? "
" Mom. I'm fine, thanks, you? "
" Now that you feel better, but you could also make an effort to call more often. "She could make him smile even when he did the preaching. Power Mom.
"Guilty. How are they all? "
" Dad is well, Josh is trying to become a father and your sister is still the same old grumpy. Nothing again in short. Danneel how are you? "Straight to the point, as always.
"About this ..."
"Tell my son."
He served nearly an hour, an hour and almost burned so many interruptions to tell the state of things . But as always, was relieved after he confided in his mother. He was proud to have a connection so intense with her.
"So you're gay?" As always, very thin.
"You heard what I said, Mom? "sighed
" Yes, divorce from Danneel, you have a story with Jared - as indeed I have always suspected - and he has divorced his wife. Again, you're gay. "
" We have a story "
" Please? "
" I said I do not have a history, has taken the vacation days and has turned off the phone telling me to not look for it. No reference to last night. No, mama do not have a history. " Without notice he had placed his forehead against the wall.
"Jensen, you've educated a lot better than that. Do not be a victim. Jared needs his time, from what he told me he has been through a lot and seems to be strangely more stubborn than you. What's incredible but true. Give it time, it will return. "
" I hope that as you say. Can I go home next weekend? "There he is, 32 years old and still longing for home and mother.
"Sure, but I think you'll be busy for the next weekend. Now I'll let you treasure the Dad is trying to destroy the machine, I would try to stem the damage, if possible. A hug. "
" Hello, but soon. "
was thrilled to define an understatement. In less than a few hours the two most important women in his life had left him speechless. His mother had learned that he was gay and had made a turn. He wondered if the case was not in a dream and now Leonardo DiCaprio was making a connection. He should look for a totem as soon as possible.
supped with the company of Gravity, an album that had given Jared years earlier.
Epilogue
Our heart is not made of stone. The stone at some point may shatter, crumble, losing all its forms. But the heart can not shatter. And this thing without the form that we bring in, good or bad, we can pass it to each other without limits.
reread the words he had noted on his agenda is still under the covers. Remembered perfectly when he read that book, had happened shortly after the announcement of her engagement to Jared and then felt a deep sadness.
He kept a diary for a few years, he had always liked to stop the feelings and emotions. He was firmly convinced that it was the only way to stop time and to prevent them slipping through the fingers. It was a gift from Jared. Had found him under the pillow a rainy morning and dark when the only prospect seemed to be nice to crogiolasi in bed under the warm duvet. But no, Jared had gone out for a run with the dogs, stopped in the stationary home and bought him a gift more appreciated in recent years. Jensen had spent the whole morning to write.
was over a week since Jared had decided to withdraw into a stubborn silence. Jensen, however, it was learned that he had called on the set to extend their holidays and with the promise that he would return as soon as possible. After the first three days of fruitless phone calls, he gave up and left that Jared was looking for him. Begin to entertain serious doubts. Surely she would see, had a series to be finished, but perhaps the hope of a future together was increasingly unlikely. As he continued to wear out the mind with such thoughts, they knocked on the door.
Surely it was the neighbor who, punctual as clockwork, every Saturday morning went to ask him if he could give him the keys to the house because his daughter had forgotten his copy and he had to go to work. He snorted and vowed to be soundproof the door. Damn the rules of good neighborliness. He got out of bed and dragged himself wearily to the door.
"Simon ... buongi-Jared."
"Hello Jensen, you make me come in?" He wore a beard and was still unhappy over the shoulder bag. He left?
"Yes, yes. Sit down. "He felt his heart accelerate suddenly, had finally come to the showdown? He walked into the kitchen to turn on the coffee and then excused himself to go get some clothes. Boxer and T-shirt was not quite appropriate clothing for the discussion that awaited him. When he returned to the kitchen, Jared had already paid and was about two cups sugar.
"Two true? I never remember. "She smiled sweetly and Jensen felt faint. Redial Jensen, courage.
"One and a half."
"One and a half, right." Stir quickly the drink and handed it to him. Both drank in silence.
"I was from mine, I needed to clear a bit 'mind." Jensen nodded. Silence fell again. "I can not forget what it was, Jensen."
Apparently Mom, you're wrong.
"You do not need to excuse yourself, Jared not owe me anything. "
" Wait, let me finish. "Jared kept his distance and carefully scrutinized Jensen. How to look for the slightest sign of discomfort. "But I can not even afford to even ruin your wedding Jensen. I've already fucked my, I do not want to repeat myself. And we saw that two of us together we do not know to do is to mess ... "
" Between me and Danneel is over. And I liked our shit. "Jared stared at him intently. "And I also phoned my mother apparently knew before me that I was in love with you. Curious is not it? "He saw a face appear on the face of disbelief of the companion. He was very emphatic in that moment if he had not had the clinical certainty of not having heart problems, he feared for his life. Finally, Jared, looked at him. The cup forgotten on the kitchen counter.
"... I do not know what to think."
"Jared does not have to happen now, I can wait. But I want you to know that I'll wait, if you need time I can give it to you. I am not willing to give up what we can be. I do not think I could go back to be the friend who I was before. If you decide that that should not be between us, I will accept your decision but I will ask to terminate the contract of Supernatural. This does not mean that we no longer feel, of course. And 'just do not think I could stay by a new neighbor almost 24 hours a day without being able to afford to think of something more. I do not believe that ... "Suddenly he found himself in front of Jared and his hand felt warm, embracing, touching his cheek. When he had approached so much?
"Make love with me, Jensen. "Almost a cry for help. Morirgli heard the words in my mouth.
"I ... do not ..."
"Enough talk, Jensen." Jared then kissed him softly, his lips slightly salty, almost a thing of tears.
They made love slowly with deep, trying to savor every moment of intercourse and impressing every emotion and feeling in their minds. A tangle of sweaty bodies that wanted to heal the wounds of the past with the instinct of the oldest world.
"You're staring at?" Jared's eyes were closed, small drops of sweat beaded his face and a smile painted on his lips. Leaning on the sides, a sheet covering her nakedness.
"No."
"Uh huh, and I believe you. What are you thinking? "He opened his eyes and drew her to him. Jensen, lies along the body of the lover, her cheek resting in the crook of Jared's neck.
"for nothing!" A pinch cuscinta and in the face. The methods of torture Padalecki, gentlemen! "Okke, okay! I thought that was strange. "
" Hmmmm, sorry my brain is currently on standby because of the powerful orgasm just had. Any clue? "Now if he was laughing happily.
"Idiot. I thought that was strange. A month ago I could have sworn that there was no hope. And now ... "
" Oh wait when I tell it to Misha: Jensen gets romantic after making love. Do you know how you sfotterà ? " Jensen broke free and turned on his side, his back to Jared. "Oh, sulking now!" He managed to resist for a short while Jared had begun to lay soft kisses on her back. Since he had become so romantic? He had to do blood tests, blood sugar levels were maybe too high ... He shuddered when he heard the lips of the lover rest on his temple.
"Just think, Jensen."
"You know that lately you have become a hated despot?" Now Jared covered him with her body.
"Kiss me, grumbling."
Maybe it was not perfect, maybe in the future there were still things that they would be divided, but for the moment he decided to crush everything in that pessimistic side of his brain. Fuck.
What mattered was that Jared was there in his arms, the rest we could work.
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